I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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