this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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