please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
