If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
