im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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