He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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