Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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