Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
