I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
