you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
