i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
