Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
