Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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