his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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