i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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