Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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