If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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