i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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