She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
