i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
