Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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