I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
