i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
