I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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