there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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