Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
