you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
