We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
