My balls are so social today.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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