If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
