I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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