Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
