I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
