After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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