I CAN MOONWALK!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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