There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
