Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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