Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
