My Higher Power is John Stamos
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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