Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
