So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
