Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
