dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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