I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
