Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
