yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
