Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
