she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
