I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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