K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
