You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
