omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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