i will never coherently bang her
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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