Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
