Kiss
Puke
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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