Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
