theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
