This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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